I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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