Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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