we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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