i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
