never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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