Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
