Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
