I think scott just propositioned me for sex
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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