i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
