he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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