brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
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