I looked at my own cervix.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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