you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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