I heard we made out
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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