If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
