when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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