she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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