he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
