I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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