We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
