well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
