Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
