drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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