The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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