We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
