Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
