i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
