So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
