i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
