there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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