You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
