Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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