dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
