sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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