I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Randomize