He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Randomize
