Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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