I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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