Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
