Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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