the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
im holly from the hills drunk
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
