I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
