see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize