His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
