It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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