Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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