I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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