yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
