you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
