is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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