you traded sex for a burrito?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
