I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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