I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
