She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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