I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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