there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
