Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Randomize
