are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
