If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
