I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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