i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
