Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
