my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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