Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
