wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
