Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
