You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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