love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
