I wish I could teleport
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I want a musical about memes.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
