I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm getting married
To pizza
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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