I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
