READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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