I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
