Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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