there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
