so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Dick very happy bro
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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