I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
